UC-NRLF 


THURSDAY 
EVENING 

BY 

CHRISTOPHER  MORLEY 


APPLETON 

MODERN  PLAYS 

No.  10 

EDITED  BY 

FRANK  SHAY 


The  Appleton  Modern  Plays 

Edited  by  FRANK  SHAY 
No.  Title* 

1.  S7i«m,  by  Frank  C.  Tompkins 

2.  The  Shepherd  in  the  Distance,  by  Holland  Hud  ton 

3.  Mansions,  by  Hildegarde  Planner 

4.  Hearts  tQ  Mend,  by  H.  A.  Overtired 

5.  Six  Who  Pass  While  the  Lentils  Boil,  by  Stuart  Walker 

6.  The  Emperor  Jones,  by  Eugene  O'Neill 

7.  Sweet  and  Twenty,  by  Floyd  Dell 

8.  Two  Slatterns  and  a  King,  by  Edna  St.  Vincent 

9.  Sir  David  Wears  a  Crown,  by  Stuart  Walker 

10.  Thursday  Evening,  by  Christopher  Motley 

11.  Mirage,  by  George  M.  P.  Baird 

12.  Society  Notes,  by  Duffy  R.  Weil 

13.  Lithuania,  by  Rupert  Brooke 

14.  Eyes  That  Cannot  See,  by  Albert  Cnudtztnann 

15.  In  Confidence,  by  Alvilde  Prydx 

16.  Scrambled  Eggs,  by  Latoton  Mackall  and  Franco  R.  Belli 

17.  The  Stick  Up,  by  Pierre  Loving 

18.  The  Fountain  of  Youth, 

by  Serafin  and  Joaquin  ^4fuarcx-Qutnfer* 

19.  Thompson's  Luck,  by  Harry  Greenwood  Grower 

20.  Finders — Keepers,  by  George  Kelly 

21.  Why  Girls  Slay  Home,  by  Maude  Humphrey 

22.  Princesses,  by  Helen  Halman  Joseph 

23.  Action!  by  Holland  Hudson 

24.  Wreckage,  by  Mary  Healon  Vorsc  and  Colin  Campbell  Clement 

25.  The  Delta  Wife,  by  Walter  McClcllan 

26.  A  Morality  Play  for  the  Leisured  Class,  by  John  L.  Baldentort 

27.  The  Lion's  Mouth, 

by  George  Madden  Martin  and  Harriet  L.  Kennedy 

28.  Autumn,  by  llya  Surgucheo 

29.  Lord  Byron,  by  Maurice  Ferber 

30.  The  Giant's  Stair,  by  Wilbur  Daniel  Sfeefe 

31.  Words  and  Thoughts,  by  Don  Marquis 

32.  The  Farce  of  the  Worthy  Master  Pierre  Patelin, 

translated  and  arranged  by  Moritz  JagenJorf 

33.  The  Pie  and  the  Tart,  by  Mathurin  Dondo 

34.  Two  Blind  Men  and  a  Donkey,  by  Mathurin  Dondo 

35.  The  King's  Great-Aunt  Sits  on  the  Floor,  bu  Stuarl  If  after 

36.  So  That's  That,  by  John  V.  A.  Weaver 

Others  in  Preparation 

Bound  in  Art  Paper,  each  50  centt 

D.   APPLETON   AND   COMPANY,  NEW  YORK 


No.  10 

APPLETON  MODERN  PLAYS 

Edited  by  Frank  Shay 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


By 

CHRISTOPHER  MGRLEY 


D.  APPLETON  AND  COMPANY 
NEW  YORK  MCMXXVI 


"Fe 

COPYRIGHT,    1922,   BY 

CHRISTOPHER   MORLEY 

All  rights  reserved 

All  stage  rights,  professional  and  amateur,  reserved  by  the  author, 

and  will  be  strictly  protected.    Application  to  produce  or  reprint 

this  play  must  be  made  to  the  author,  in  care  of  the  publishers, 

D.  Appleton  and  Company,  New  York  City. 


Printed  in  the  United  States  of  America. 


THURSDAY  EVENING 

A  Comedy  in  One  Act 

By 
CHRISTOPHER  MORLEY 


CHARACTERS 

GORDON  JOHNS,  a  Young  Business  Man 
LAURA,  Mrs.  Gordon  Johns 
MRS.  SHEFFIELD,  Laura  s  Mother 
MRS.  JOHNS,  Gordon  s  Mother 


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THURSDAY  EVENING 

SCENE  ;''-:.'-  ;'•„.  ''. 

A  small  suburban  kitchen  'fn  the  modest  home  of 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  Gordon  Johns.  A  meal  has  re 
cently  been  cooked,  as  is  shown  by  a  general  con 
fusion  of  pots  and  pans  and  dish-cloths.  At  the 
rear,  an  icebox  standing  in  the  corner.  Rear, 
center,  two  shelved  cabinets,  one  containing  grocer 
ies  and  household  sundries,  the  other  dishes  and 
glassware.  Rear,  L,  an  oil  range.  Some  baby 
linen  and  very  small  shirts  (such  as  would  be  suit 
able  for  a  child  of  about  ten  months)  are  hanging 
on  a  clothes-horse  near  the  stove.  Door  R  leads 
out  to  back  porch;  there  are  two  windows  in  R 
wall,  one  each  side  of  door.  Door  L  to  dining- 
room.  At  the  corner  in  the  rear,  L,  door  opening 
on  back  stairs,  which  ascend  to  upper  parts  of  the 
house.  Down  stage,  L,  against  side  wall,  a  sink 
and  oil-cloth  covered  drain-board  or  shelf  beside 
it.  In  the  center  of  stage  a  small  table  covered  with 
oil-cloth.  A  kitchen  chair  in  corner,  down  R. 

When  the  scene  opens,  GORDON  and  LAURA 
are  carrying  in  soiled  dishes  through  door,  L. 
They  come  in  and  out  several  times,  making  me 
thodical  arrangements  for  cleaning  up.  They 
pile  the  dishes  on  the  shelf  by  the  sink.  Gordon 
takes  dishpan  from  a  hook  under  the  sink,  and 
fills  it  with  hot  water  from  the  kettle  on  the  stove. 
LAURA,  who  is  an  attractive  little  person,  aged 
about  twenty -three,  is  in  that  slightly  tense  con- 

1 


THURSDAY  EVENING 

MM^MMMHMMMMMMM^HHMMMMMMMMM^MMMHMMMMMIMMMMi^HMV^MM 

dition  of  a  young  hostess  who  has  had  a  long  and 
trying  day  with  house  and  baby,  and  has  also 
cooked  and  servzd-a  'dinner  for  four. 

GORDON;  .'•*:  -»•" 

All  right,  Creature,  just  wait  till  I  light  my  pipe 

and  we'll  polish  this  up.     (Lights  pipe  and  rolls 

up  shirtsleeves.} 
LAURA  (taking  an  apron  from  chair  in  corner) 

Put  this  on  first.    That's  the  only  decent  pair 

of  trousers  you've  got.; 

(Enter  Mrs.  Sheffield,  carrying  dishes} 

MRS.  SHEFF 

Now  you  children  run  along  and  take  it  easy. 
I'll  do  all  this. 

LAURA 

No,  no,  mother.    You  go  and  talk  to  Mrs.  Johns. 

(Pointedly}    Don't  let  her  come  in  here. 
MRS.  SHEFF  (ultramaternally) 

Poor  baby,  she's   tired.     You've  been  on  your 

feet  all  day,  now  let  Mother  wash  up  for  you. 

That  was  a  big  dinner  to  cook. 
LAURA 

No  tireder  than  you  are,  Mother  darling.    You 

cooked  lunch. 

GORDON 

Both  of  you  clear  out;  I  can  get  this  done  in  no 
time. 
MRS.  SHEFF  (patting  Laura's  cheek) 

Busy  with  the  baby  all  afternoon,  and  then 
cooking    such    a    delicious    dinner —      Dearie, 
won't  you  let  Mother  do  this  for  you? 
8 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


LAURA 

There  isn't  room  in  this  kitchen  for  everybody — 
(Enter  Mrs.  Johns,  carrying  dishes.} 

MRS.  JOHNS 

Gordon,  you  and  Laura  go  and  rest.  Let  the 
two  grandmothers— 

GORDON 

Now  listen,  little  people,  this  is  my  job.  I  al 
ways  wash  up  on  Thursday  evenings— 

MRS.  JOHNS 

You  go  and  read  your  newspaper.     I  can  see 

you're  all  fagged  out  after  that  long  day  in  the 

office — 
MRS.  SHEFF  (to  Laura) 

Please  go  and  lie  down,  Baby.    You're  so  tired. 
LAURA  (with  waning  patience) 

You  two  go  and  amuse  yourselves;  Gordon  and 

Til  attend  to  this.     (They  gently  eject  the  two 

mothers-in-law.) 

GORDON 

Come  on,  now,  the  good  old  system !  (He  takes 
the  small  table  from  center  of  stage,  and  puts  it 
carefully  midway  between  sink  and  dish  cabinet. 
Takes  chair  from  corner,  down  R,  and  sets  it  beside 
table.  Laura  sits  down  on  chair  and  wipes  silver- 
ware  and  dishes  as  he  hands  them  to  her  after 
washing?) 

LAURA 

The  silver  first,  while  the  water's  clean. 

GORDON 

Right.  We  make  a  pretty  good  team  at  this, 
don't  we? 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


LAURA  (holds  up  a  small  silver  jug) 

That  darling  old  cream  jug.  Mother  used  that 
when  she  was  a  little  girl. 

GORDON 

I  love  our  little  Thursday  evening  suppers.     I 
think  they're  more  fun  than  any  other  night. 
LAURA 

I'm  glad,  Gordie. 

GORDON 

We  get  better  grub  on  Thursdays,  when  Ethel 
goes  out,  than  we  ever  do  when  she's  in. 

LAURA 

I  tried  to  have  everything  specially  nice  to 
night.  Some  visitors  are  very  critical. 

GORDON 

It  was  lovely.  I'm  afraid  it  was  hard  for  you, 
Creature,  to  have  Mother  come  just  now.  (A 
short  paused)  Especially  when  your  Mother  was 
here. 

LAURA 

Didn't  she  know  Mother  was  here? 

GORDON 

No.  I  hadn't  told  her.  You  see  your  Mother  is 
here  so  much  more  often.  1  I  didn't  know  your 
mother  would  still  be  here.  I  was  afraid  Mother 
might  be  a  little  hurt— 

LAURA 

Mother  helps  me  a  great  deal.  I  think  it's  a 
queer  thing  if  a  wife  can't  have  her  mother  stay 
with  her  once  in  a  while — 

GORDON  (aware  of  danger,  changes  the  subject} 
Ye  Gods,  Ethel  has  cracked  the  Copenhagen 
10 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


platter.  (Laura  is  silent.)  That's  one  of  the 
set  Mother  gave  us  when  we  were  married. 

LAURA 

It's  a  stock  pattern.  You  can  get  another  at 
any  department  store. 

GORDON 

I'll  bet  that  coon  didn't  empty  the  icebox  pan 
before  she  went.  I  never  saw  a  cook  yet  who 
could  remember  to  do  that — 

LAURA 

If  you  had  to  go  out  and  hunt  for  them  you 
wouldn't  be  so  particular.  She's  better  than 
no  one. 

GORDON  (goes  to  icebox  and  removes  a  large  ^  brim 
ming  pan  from  under  if) 

What  did  I  tell  you!  (The  water  slops  over  from 
pan  as  he  carries  it  gingerly  to  sink  and  empties  it. 
He  replaces  the  pan  under  icebox.} 

LAURA 

You'd  better  heat  some  more  water.  You've 
poured  that  ice-water  into  the  dishpan. 

GORDON  (getting  a  little  peevish;  refills  kettle  and  puts 
it  on  stove) 

It's  perfectly  absurd  not  having  any  pantry  to 
keep  the  icebox  in.  In  here,  the  heat  of  the 
stove  melts  the  ice  right  away.  (Goes  back  to 
icebox  and  slams  its  doors  shut.)  Of  course,  she 
never  keeps  the  doors  properly  closed.  (He  re 
turns  to  sink  and  resumes  dishwashing.)  It's  a 
funny  thing. 

LAURA 
What  is? 

ii 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


GORDON 

Why,  that  a  presumably  intelligent  coon  can't 
understand  the  doors  of  an  icebox  are  meant  to 
be  kept  tight  shut,  to  save  ice.  What  does  she 
suppose  those  little  clamps  are  for?  (Laura  is 
silent.  There  is  a  pause,  while  Gordon  scrapes 
portions  of  food  of  the  soiled  plates.  He  examines 
some  of  these  plates  rather  carefully,  and  picks  out 
several  large  pieces  of  meat,  lettuce,  butter,  etc., 
which  he  puts  on  one  plate  at  one  side.  Then  he 
seems  to  resume  his  good  humor  and  relights  his 
pipe.}  Well,  it's  jolly  to  have  both  the  grand 
mothers  here  together,  isn't  it? 

LAURA 

Gordon,  dear,  put  the  silver  away  in  the  side 
board  before  it  gets  wet  again.  (He  gathers  up 
silver  from  the  table  in  front  of  her  and  exit  L. 
Laura  steps  outside  door  R,  and  returns,  bringing 
garbage  can,  which  she  puts  down  by  the  sink.  She 
begins  to  wash  dishes,  and  sees  the  plate  of  odds 
and  ends  which  Gordon  has  carefully  put  to  one 
side.  She  scrapes  its  contents  into  the  garbage 
pail.  While  she  is  washing,  Gordon  enter,  L.) 

GORDON 

Now,  Creature,  let  me  do  that.  You  don't  want 
to  spoil  those  pretty  hands.  (Takes  them,  with 
an  attempt  to  be  affectionate.) 

LAURA 

I  guess  it  isn't  any  worse  for  them  than  washing 
the  baby's  things. 

GORDON 

Come  on,  old  man,  let  me.    (Gently  removes  her 
12 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


from  sink,  and  pushes  her  to  the  chair  by  the  table. 
She  sits  down  and  wipes  dishes  as  he  hands  them 
to  her.}  It  doesn't  take  long  when  there  are  two 
of  us. 

LAURA 

Gordie,  these  dishes  aren't  properly  clean.  You 
can't  get  that  grease  off  without  hot  water. 

GORDON 

I  guess  that  kettle's  hot  by  now.    (To  stove,  feels 
water    in    kettle.)      Give    it    a    minute    longer. 
(Stands  by  stove  and  pugs  at  his  pipe.    In  a  mo 
ment  of  false  security ,  he  foolishly  reopens  a  dan 
gerous  topic.}    You  know,  I'm  a  little  worried 
about   Mother. 
LAURA  (putting  away  dishes) 
Why? 

GORDON 

I  don't  think  she's  as  well  as  usual.    She  hardly 

ate  any  of  her  salad. 
LAURA  (turns  as  though  about  to  say  something,  but 

checks  herself  and  pauses  a  moment.     This  time 

it  is  she  who  tries  honorably  to  avert  the  gathering 

storm) 

Oh,  Gordie,  I  forgot  to  tell  you!    Junior  drank 

out  of  a  cup  to-day — the  first  time! 
GORDON 

He  did!    The  little  rascal! 
LAURA 

Look,  here's  the  cup.    (Shows  a  small  silver  cup} 
GORDON  (affectionately,  putting  his  arm  around  her} 

Well,  well.     (Looks  at  cup.)    What  cup  is  that? 

I  don't  seem  to  remember  it— 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


LAURA 

Why — Mother  brought  it  with  her.    She  used 

it  when  she  was  a  baby. 
GORDON 

Where's  that  nice    old  Christening  mug  of 

mine?     I  think  Junior  would  like  to  use  that 

once  in  a  while,  too. 
LAURA 

I  put  it  away,  dear.    I  was  afraid  Ethel  might 

dent  it. 
GORDON  (takes  kettle  from  stove,  goes  back  to  sink) 

I  hope  Mother  isn't  feeling  poorly.     I  noticed 

at  supper — 
LAURA 

When  hot  meat  is  served,  refined  people  usually 

call  it  dinner — 

GORDON  (looks  at  her  cautiously ',  and  suddenly  seems 
to  realize  that  they  are  on  the  edge  of  an  abyss) 
Now,  honey,  you're  tired.     You  go  and  rest, 
I'll  finish  up  here. 

LAURA 

No,  thank  you.  I  like  to  see  that  everything 
gets  cleaned  up  properly.  Someone  might  come 
snooping  out  here,  and  then  there'd  be  hints 
about  my  housekeeping.  Of  course,  I'll  admit 
I  wasn't  brought  up  to  be  a  cook — 

GORDON  (seeks  inspiration  by  relighting  his  pipe, 
and  takes  up  a  handsome  silver  coffee  pot) 
One  thing  I  never  can  make  out  is,  how  to  pre 
vent  coffee  grounds  from  going  down  the  sink. 
(He  talks  desperately,  trying  to  tide  over  the  mutu 
ally  realized  danger  point.)  Perhaps  if  I  could 

14 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


invent  some  kind  of  a  little  coffee-ground 
strainer  I'd  make  our  fortune.  That  coffee  was 
delicious,  Creature. 

LAURA 

Take  care  of  that  urn,  it's  one  of  the  few  hand 
some  things  we  have. 
GORDON 

It  is  a  beauty. 

LAURA 

Jack  Davis  gave  it  to  .me — 
GORDON  (puts  it  down  with  distaste) 

I  guess  I'd  better  attend  to  the  garbage. 
LAURA  (nervously) 

It's  all  fixed. 

GORDON 

I  always  like  Thursdays  because  that's  the  one 
evening  Ethel  doesn't  get  a  chance  to  throw 
away  about  five  dollars'  worth  of  good  food. 

LAURA 

I  fixed  the  garbage.  You  can  put  the  pail  out 
side. 

GORDON  (hunting  among  plates  on  the  shelf  beside 
sink) 

Where's  that  plate  I  put  here?  There  was  a  lot 
of  perfectly  good  stuff  I  saved — 

LAURA  (blows  up  at  last) 

Well,  if  you  think  I'm  going  to  keep  a  lot  of  half- 
eaten  salad  your  Mother  picked  over — 

GORDON  (seizes  garbage  pail,  lifts  it  up  to  the  sink 
and  begins  to  explore  its  contents.    His  fuse  also 
is  rapidly  shortening.) 
My  Lord,  it's  no  wonder  we  never  have  any 

15 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


money  to  spend  if  we  chuck  half  of  it  away  in 
waste.  (Picking  out  various  selections.)  Waste! 
Look  at  that  piece  of  cheese,  and  those  potatoes. 
You  could  take  those  things,  and  some  of  this 
meat,  and  make  a  nice  economical  hash  for 
lunch — 

LAURA 

It's  a  wonder  you  wouldn't  get  a  job  as  a  scav 
enger.  I  never  heard  of  a  husband  like  you, 
rummaging  through  the  garbage  pail. 

GORDON   (bloWS  Up) 

Do  you  know  what  the  one  unforgivable  sin  is? 
The  sin  against  the  Holy  Ghost?  It's  Waste! 
It  makes  me  wild  to  think  of  working  and  work 
ing  like  a  dog,  and  half  of  what  I  earn  just 
thrown  away  by  an  ignorant  coon.  Look  at 
this,  just  look  at  it!  (Displays  a  grisly  object.) 
There's  enough  meat  on  that  bone  to  make 
soup.  And  ye  gods,  here's  that  jar  of  anchovy 
paste!  (Holds  it  up.)  I  thought  you  got  that 
for  me  as  a  little  treat.  I  wondered  where  it 
had  gone  to.  Why,  I  hadn't  eaten  more  than 
just  the  top  of  it. 

LAURA 
Well,  you  left  it,  and  left  it,  and  it  got  mildewed. 

GORDON 

Scrape  it  off.  A  little  mildew  won't  hurt  any 
body.  There'll  be  mildew  on  my  bank  account 
if  this  kind  of  thing  goes  on.  (Still  examining 
garbage  pail.)  Look  here,  about  half  a  dozen 
slices  of  bread.  What's  the  matter  with  them, 
I'd  like  to  know. 

16 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


LAURA 

I  think  it's  the  most  disgusting  thing  I  ever 
heard  of.  To  go  picking  over  the  garbage  pail 
like  that.  You  attend  to  your  affairs  and  I'll 
attend  to  mine. 

GORDON 

I  guess  throwing  away  good,  hard-earned  money 
is  my  affair,  isn't  it? 

LAURA 

You're  always  quick  enough  to  find  fault.  I 
know  Ethel's  careless,  but  she's  the  best  I  can 
get  out  here  in  this  godforsaken  suburb.  Maybe 
you'll  be  good  enough  to  find  me  a  better  serv 
ant.  A  well-trained  girl  wouldn't  work  in  this 
old  dump,  where  there  isn't  even  gas.  You 
don't  seem  to  know  when  you're  lucky.  You 
come  back  at  night  and  find  your  home  well 
cared  for  and  me  slaving  over  a  hot  dinner,  and 
do  you  ever  say  a  word  of  thanks  ?  No,  all  you 
can  think  of  is  finding  fault.  I  can't  imagine 
how  you  were  brought  up.  Your  Mother — 

GORDON 

Just  leave  my  mother  out  of  it.  I  guess  she 
didn't  spoil  me  the  way  yours  did  you.  Of 
course,  I  wasn't  an  only  daughter — 

LAURA 

I  wish  you  had  been.  Then  I  wouldn't  have 
married  you. 

GORDON 

I  suppose  you  think  that  if  you'd  married  Jack 
Davis  or  some  other  of  those  profiteers  you'd 
never  have  had  to  see  the  inside  of  a  kitchen — 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


LAURA 

If  Junior  grows  up  with  your  disposition,  all  I 
can  say  is,  I  hope  he'll  never  get  married. 

GORDON 

If  he  gets  married,  I  hope  it'll  be  to  some  girl 
who  understands  something  about  economy— 

LAURA 

If  he  gets  married,  I  hope  he'll  be  man  enough 
not  to  be  always  finding  fault — 

GORDON 

Well,  he  wont  get  married!    I'll  put  him  wise  to 
what  marriage  means,  fussing  like  this  all  the 
time — 
LAURA 

Yes,  he  will  get  married.    He  shall  get  married! 

GORDON 

Oh,  this  is  too  absurd— 

LAURA 

He  shall  get  married,  just  to  be  a  humiliating 
example  to  his  father.    I'll  bring  him  up  the  way 
a  husband  ought  to  be. 
GORDON 

In  handcuffs,  I  suppose — 

LAURA 

And  his  wife  won't  have  to  sit  and  listen  to  per 
petual  criticism  from  his  mother— 

GORDON 

If  you're  so  down  on  mothers-in-law,  it's  queer 
you're  anxious  to  be  one  yourself.  The  ex 
pectant  mother-in-law! 

LAURA 

All  right,  be  vulgar.    I  dare  say  you  can't  help  it. 
18 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


GORDON 

Great  Scott,  what  did  you  think  marriage  was 
like,  anyway?  Did  you  expect  to  go  through 
life  having  everything  done  for  you,  without  a 
little  hard  work  to  make  it  interesting? 

LAURA 

Is  it  necessary  to  shout? 

GORDON 

Now  let  me  tell  you  something.  Let's  see  if 
you  can  ratify  it  from  your  extensive  observa 
tion  of  life.  Is  there  anything  in  the  world  so 
cruel  as  bringing  up  a  girl  in  absolute  ignorance 
of  housework,  believing  that  all  her  days  she's 
going  to  be  waited  on  hand  and  foot,  and  that 
marriage  is  one  long  swoon  of  endearments — 

LAURA 

There's  not  much  swooning  while  you're  around. 

GORDON 

Why,  I  believe  you  actually  think  your  life  is 
wrecked  if  you  aren't  being  petted  and  praised 
every  minute.  You  pretend  to  think  marriage 
is  so  sacred  and  yet  you're  buffaloed  by  a  few 
greasy  dishes.  I  like  my  kind  of  sacredness  bet 
ter  than  yours,  and  that's  the  sacredness  of 
common  sense.  Marriage  ought  not  to  be  per 
formed  before  an  altar,  but  before  a  kitchen 
sink. 

LAURA  (furiously) 

I  ought  to  have  known  that  oil  and  water  won't 
mix.  I  ought  to  have  known  that  a  vulgar, 
selfish,  conceited  man  couldn't  make  a  girl 
happy  who  was  brought  up  in  a  refined  family. 

19 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


I  was  a  Sheffield,  and  why  I  ever  became  a  Johns 
is  more  than  I  can  imagine.  Johns — I  suppose 
that's  camouflage  for  Jones.  You're  too  com 
mon,  too  ordinary,  to  know  when  you're  lucky. 
You  get  a  charming  aristocratic  wife  and  expect 
her  to  grub  along  like  a  washerwoman.  You 
try  to  crush  all  the  life  and  spirit  out  of  her. 
You  ought  to  have  married  an  icebox — that's 
the  only  thing  in  this  house  you're  really  at 
tentive  to. 

GORDON 

Now  listen — 

LAURA  (will  not  be  checked) 

Talk  about  being  spoiled — why,  your  Mother 
babies  you  so,  you  think  you're  the  only  man 
on  earth.  (Sarcastically.}  Her  poor,  over 
worked  boy,  who  tries  so  hard  and  gets  all 
fagged  out  in  the  office  and  struggles  so  nobly 
to  support  his  family!  I  wonder  how  you'd 
like  to  run  this  house  and  bear  a  child  and  take 
care  of  it  and  shuffle  along  with  an  ignorant 
coon  for  a  maid  and  then  cook  a  big  dinner  and 
be  sneered  at  and  never  a  word  of  praise.  All 
you  can  think  of  is  picking  over  the  garbage 
pail  and  finding  fault — 

GORDON  (like  a  fool) 

I  didn't  find  fault.  I  found  some  good  food 
being  wasted. 

LAURA 

All  right,  if  you  love  the  garbage  pail  better 
than  you  do  your  wife,  you  can  live  with  it. 
(Flings  her  dishtowel  on  the  floor  and  exit,  L.) 

20 


THURSDAY  EVENING 

(Gordon  stands  irresolutely  at  the  sink,  and  makes 
a  few  gloomy  motions  among  the  unfinished  dishes. 
He  glares  at  the  garbage  can.  Then  he  carefully 
gathers  those  portions  of  food  that  he  had  chosen 
as  being  still  usable,  contemplates  them  grimly , 
then  puts  them  on  a  plate  and,  after  some  hesita 
tion^  puts  the  plate  in  the  icebox.  He  takes  the 
garbage  can  and  puts  it  outside  door,  R.  He  re 
turns  into  the  kitchen,  but  then  a  sudden  fit  of 
anger  seizes  him.) 

GORDON 

It's  always  the  way!  (Tears  of  apron,  throws  it 
on  the  floor ',  and  exit  R,  slamming  door.) 

{After  a  brief  pause,  the  door  at  the  rear,  opening 
onto  the  back  stairs,  is  cautiously  opened,  and 
Mrs.  Sheffield  enters  quietly.  She  takes  one  swift 
look  around  the  disordered  kitchen,  picks  up  dish- 
towel  and  apron  from  the  floor,  and  sets  to  work 
rapidly  to  clean  up.  Then  the  back  stairs  door  is 
again  opened  in  the  same  stealthy  way,  and  Mrs. 
Johns  enters.  The  two  ladies  seem  to  take  each 
other  s  measure  with  instinctive  shrewdness,  and 
fall  into  a  silent,  businesslike  team-play  in  putting 
things  to  rights.  Mrs.  Johns  takes  charge  at  the 
sink,  and  the  remaining  dishes  spin  under  her  ca 
pable  hands.  Mrs.  Sheffield  takes  them  from  her, 
rapidly  polishes  them,  and  puts  them  away  on  the 
shelves.  There  is  unconscious  comedo  in  the 
trained  precision  and  labor-saving  method  of  their 
actions,  which  are  synchronized  so  that  every  time 
Mrs.  Johns  holds  out  a  washed  dish,  Mrs.  Sheffield 
is  moving  back  from  the  cabinet,  ready  to  receive 
21 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


it.  They  work  like  automatons ,  for  perhaps  two 
minutes  not  a  word  is  said,  and  the  two  seem,  by 
searching  side-glances,  to  be  probing  each  other  s 
mood.) 

MRS.  JOHNS 

If  it  wasn't  so  tragic  I'd  laugh.  (A pause,  during 
which  they  work  busily.) 

MRS.  SHEFF 

If  it  wasn't  so  comic  I'd  cry.     (Another  pause.) 
I  guess  it's  my  fault.     Poor  Laura,  I'm  afraid 
I  have  spoiled  her. 
MRS.  JOHNS 

My  fault,  I  think.  Two  mothers-in-law  at  once 
is  too  much  for  any  young  couple.  I  didn't 
know  you  were  here,  or  I  wouldn't  have  come. 

MRS.  SHEFF 

Laura  is  so  dreadfully  sensitive,  poor  child — 

MRS.  JOHNS 

Gordon  works  so  hard  at  the  office.  You  know 
he's  trying  to  get  promoted  to  the  sales  depart 
ment,  and  I  suppose  it  tells  on  his  nerves— 

MRS.  SHEFF 

If  Laura  could  afford  to  have  a  nurse  to  help  her 
with  the  baby  she  wouldn't  get  so  exhausted— 

MRS.  JOHNS 

Gordon  says  he  wants  to  take  out  some  more  in 
surance,  that's  why  he  worries  so  about  economy. 
It  isn't  for  himself,  he's  really  very  unselfish — 

MRS.  SHEFF  (a  little  tartly) 

Still,  I  do  think  that  sometimes —  (They  pause 
and  look  at  each  other  quickly.)     My  gracious, 
we'll  be  at  it  ourselves  if  we  don't  look  out! 
22 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


(She  goes  to  the  clothes-horse  and  rearranges  the 
garments  on  it.     She  holds  up  a  lilliputian  shirt, 
and  they  both  smile.) 
MRS.  JOHNS 

That  darling  baby!  I  hope  he  won't  have  poor 
Gordon's  quick  temper.  It  runs  in  the  Johns 
family,  I'm  afraid.  I  was  an  Armstrong  before 
I  married  Gordon's  father — I  didn't  know  what 
temper  was  until  I  married — either  my  own  or 
his. 

MRS.  SHEFF 

I  was   a  Thomson — Thomson  without  the  P, 
you  know,  from  Rhode  Island.    All  families  are 
hot  tempered.    All  husbands'  families,  anyway. 
'  MRS.  JOHNS 

Gordon's  father  used  to  say  that  Adam  and  Eve 
didn't  know  when  they  were  well  off.  He  said 
that  was  why  they  called  it  the  Garden  of  Eden. 

MRS.  SHEFF 

Why? 

MRS.  JOHNS 

Because  there  was  no  mother-in-law  there. 

MRS.  SHEFF 

Poor  children,  they  have  such  a  lot  to  learn! 
I  really  feel  ashamed,  Mrs.  Johns,  because 
Laura  is  an  undisciplined  little  thing,  and  I'm 
afraid  I've  always  petted  her  too  much.  She 
had  such  a  lot  of  attention  before  she  met  Gor 
don,  and  was  made  so  much  of,  jit  gave  her  wrong 
ideas. 
MRS.  JOHNS 

I  wish  Gordon  was  a  little  younger,  I'd  like  to 

23 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


turn  him  up  and  spank  him.  He's  dreadfully 
stubborn  and  tactless — 

MRS.  SHEFF 

But  f  I'm  afraid  I  did  make  a  mistake.  Laura 
was  having  such  a  good  time  as  a  girl,  I  was  al 
ways  afraid  she'd  have  a  hard  awakening  when 
she  married.  But  Mr.  Sheffield  had  a  good  deal 
of  money  at  that  time,  and  he  used  to  say,  'She's 
only  young  once,  let  her  enjoy  herself.' 

MRS.  JOHNS 

My  husband  was  shortsighted,  too.  He  had  had 
to  skimp  so,  that  he  brought  up  Gordon  to  have 
a  terror  of  wasting  a  nickel. 

MRS.  SHEFF 

Very  sensible.  I  wish  Mr.  Sheffield  had  had  a 
little  more  of  that  terror.  ]fl  shall  have  to  tell 
him  what  his  policy  has  resulted  in.  But  really, 
you  know,  when  I  heard  them  at  it,  I  could 
hardly  help  admiring  them.  (With  a  sigh.)  It 
brings  back  old  times ! 
MRS.  JOHNS 

So  it  does!  (A pause?)  But  we  can't  let  them 
go  on  like  this.  A  little  vigorous  quarreling  is 
good  for  everybody.  It's  a  kind  of  spiritual 
laxative.  But  they  carry  it  too  far. 

MRS.  SHEFF 

They're  awfully  ingenious.  They  were  even 
bickering  about  Junior's  future  mother-in-law. 
I  suppose  she's  still  in  school,  whoever  she  may 
be! 

MRS.  JOHNS 

Being  a  mother-in-law  is  almost  as  painful  as 
being  a  mother. 

24 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


MRS.    SHEFF 

I  think  every  marriage  ought  to  be  preceded  by 
a  treaty  of  peace  between  the  two  mothers.  If 
they  understand  each  other,  everything  will 
work  out  all  right. 

MRS.  JOHNS 

You're  right.  \Yhen  each  one  takes  sides  with 
her  own  child,  it's  fatal. 

MRS.  SHEFF  (lowering  her  voice) 

Look  here,  I  think  I  know  how  we  can  make 
them  ashamed  of  themselves.  Where  are  they 
now? 

MRS.  JOHNS  (goes  cautiously  to  door  L,  and  peeps 
through} 

Laura  is  lying  on  the  couch  in  the  living-room. 
I  think  she's  crying — her  face  is  buried  in  the 
cushions. 

MRS.  SHEFF 

Splendid.  That  means  she's  listening  with  all 
her  ears —  (Tiptoes  to  window^  R.)  I  can't  see 
Gordon,  but  I  think  he's  walking  round  the 
garden — 

MRS.  JOHNS  (quietly) 

If  we  were  to  talk  a  little  louder  he'd  sit  on  the 
back  steps  to  hear  it — 

MRS.   SHEFF 

Exactly.  Now  listen!  (They  put  their  heads  to 
gether  and  whisper;  the  audience  does  not  hear 
what  is  said.) 

MRS.  JOHNS 

Fine!    Oh,  that's  fine!    (Mrs.  Sheffield  whispers 

25 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


again,  inaudible  to  the  spectators?)  But  wait  a 
moment.  Don't  you  think  it  would  be  better 
if  /  praise  Laura  and  you  praise  Gordon  ?  They 
won't  expect  that,  and  it  might  shame  them — 

MRS.  SHEFF 

No,  no!    Don't  you  see —  (Whispers  again,  in- 
audibly.) 
MRS.  JOHNS 

You're  right.  Cunning  as  serpents  and  harm 
less  as  doves — (They  carefully  set  both  doors, 
L  and  R,  ajar.) 

MRS.  SHEFF 

I  only  hope  we  won't  wake  the  baby—  (They 
return  to  the  task  of  cleaning  up,  and  talk  very  loud, 
in  pretended  quarrel?) 

MRS.  JOHNS 

Where  do  these  dessert  plates  go? 

MRS.  SHEFF 

On  this  shelf. 
MRS.  JOHNS 

You're  here  so  much  more  often  than  I,  nat 
urally  you  know  Laura's  arrangements  better. 

MRS.    SHEFF 

It's  a  lucky  thing  I  am  here.    I  don't  know  what 
poor  Laura  would  do  without  me  at  such  a 
dreadful  time— 
MRS.  JOHNS 

Poor  Laura!  I  should  say  she's  very  fortunate, 
such  a  good  husband— 

MRS.  SHEFF 

I  think  it's  rather  sad  for  a  girl  who  has  had  as 
much  as  she  has,  to  come  down  to  this— 
26 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


MRS.  JOHNS 

It's  perfectly  wonderful  how  Gordon  has  got  on 
in  business — 

MRS.   SHEFF 

He  ought  to,  with  such  a  lovely  home,  run  like 
a  clock — 

MRS.  JOHNS 

Yes.     An  alarm  clock. 

MRS.  SHEFF 

Well,  I'm  not  going  to  see  my  daughter's  happi 
ness  ruined — 

MRS.  JOHNS 

I  always  knew  he'd  make  some  girl  a  fine  hus 
band — 

MRS.  SHEFF 

Perhaps.  But  he  seems  to  have  picked  the 
wrong  girl.  Laura  has  too  much  spirit  to  be 
bullied— 

MRS.  JOHNS 

Well,  perhaps  it  was  all  a  mistake.  Poor  Gor 
don,  he  works  so  hard.  I  believe  his  hair  is 
going  white  over  his  ears  already. 

MRS.   SHEFF 

Stuff!  That's  lather  from  where  he  shaved  this 
morning.  He's  too  slovenly  to  wash  it  off. 

MRS.  JOHNS 

It  isn't  right  that  a  young  man  should  have  to 
slave  the  way  he  does — 

MRS.  SHEFF  (apparently  in  a  passion) 

Do  you  think  that  business  slavery  can  com 
pare  to  household  slavery?    I  think  it's  heart- 
27 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


rending  to  see  an  attractive  girl  like  Laura  shut 
up  in  a  poky  little  house  doing  drudgery  and  tend 
ing  a  baby.  Think  of  it,  having  to  take  care  of 
her  own  baby!  Why,  it's  an  outrage.  If  Gor 
don  was  half  a  man,  he'd  get  her  a  trained  baby 
nurse  so  she  wouldn't  have  to  look  at  the  poor 
little  thing— 

MRS.  JOHNS  (scathing) 

Yes,  how  sad  that  Gordon  should  have  to  en 
trust  his  son  to  amateur  care  when  it  needs  sci 
entific  attention. 

MRS.  SHEFF 

Poor  darling  Laura — she  never  ought  to  have 
had  a  baby. 

MRS.  JOHNS 

Gordon  is  too  intellectual  to  be  bothered  with 
these  domestic  details.  He  ought  to  be  able 
to  concentrate  on  his  work. 

MRS.  SHEFF  (coming  close  to  Mrs.  Johns,  feigning 
great  rage,  but  grimacing  to  show  it  is  merely^  acting) 
Well,  if  you  don't  think  my  daughter  is  good 
enough  for  your  son,  I  can  always  take  her  home 
with  me.  I  guess  I  can  find  room  for  her,  and 
we  can  put  the  child  in  an  institution.  (Both 
nearly  laugh,  but  recover  themselves.) 

MRS.  JOHNS 

Don't  worry.  /'//  take  the  child.  He's  a  Johns 
anyway,  not  a  Sheffield.  And  you  just  watch 
Gordon,  when  he's  relieved  of  all  this  family 
worry  and  quarreling.  He'll  make  his  mark 
in  the  world.  He's  too  fine  to  be  tied  down  by 
a  wife  that  doesn't  understand  him. 
28 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


MRS.  SHEFF 

Oh,  how  happy  Laura  will  be  to  hear  this.  My 
sweet,  clever,  attractive,  economical,  sensible 
little  girl,  free  at  last.  Her  married  life  has  been 
a  nightmare.  That  great,  hulking,  selfish  man 
has  tried  to  trample  all  the  joy  out  of  her.  He 
shan't  do  it. 

MRS.  JOHNS 

I  never  heard  of  a  young  husband  as  self-sacri 
ficing  as  Gordon.  I  don't  believe  he  ever  goes 
out  for  an  evening  with  other  men,  and  he  never 
spends  anything  on  himself— 

MRS.  SHEFF 

I  think  the  way  Laura  runs  her  little  home  is 
just  wonderful.  See  how  she  struggles  to  keep 
her  kitchen  in  order — this  miserable,  incon 
venient  little  kitchen,  no  gas,  no  pantry,  no  de 
cent  help.  I  think  it's  terrible  she  has  had  to  put 
up  with  so  much—  (They  pause,  and  listen  at 
the  door,  L.  The  kitchen  is  now  spick  and  span. 
Mrs.  Johns  makes  a  gesture  to  indicate  that  Laura 
is  taking  it  all  in,  offstage.) 

MRS.  JOHNS 

Well,  then,  it's  all  settled. 

MRS.  SHEFF 

Yes.  As  Laura's  mother,  I  can't  let  her  go  on 
like  this.  A  husband,  a  home,  and  a  babv — it's 
enough  to  ruin  any  woman. 

MRS.  JOHNS 

It's  only  fair  to  both  sides  to  end  it  all.    I  never 
heard  of  such  brutal  hardships.     Gordon  can't 
fight  against  these  things  any  longer.    Throwing 
29 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


/ 


away  a  soupbone  and  three  slices  of  bread!  I 
wonder  he  doesn't  go  mad. 

MRS.  SHEFF 

We've  saved  them  just  in  time.  (They  look  at 
each  other  knowingly ',  with  the  air  of  those  who 
have  done  a  sound  bit  of  work.  Then  they  stealthily 
open  the  door  at  the  reary  and  exeunt  up  the  back 
stairs.) 

(There  is  a  brief  pame;  then  the  door  L  opens  like 
an  explosion ,  and  Laura  bursts  in.  She  stands 
for  a  moment,  wild-eyed^  stamps  her  foot  in  a  pas 
sion.  Then  she  seizes  one  of  the  baby  shirts  from 
the  rack)  and  drops  into  the  chair  by  the  table  >  cry 
ing.  She  buries  her  head  in  her  arms,  concealing 
the  shirt.  Enter  Gordon,  R.  He  stands  uncer 
tainly -,  evidently  feeling  like  a  fool.) 

GORDON 

I'm  sorry,  I — I  left  my  pipe  in  here.  (Finds  it 
by  the  sink.) 

LAURA  (her  face  still  hidden) 

Oh,  Gordie,  was  it  all  a  mistake? 

GORDON  (troubled,  pats  her  shoulder  tentatively) 
Now    listen,    Creature,    don't.      You'll    make 
yourself  sick. 

LAURA 

I  never  thought  I'd  hear  such  things — from  my 
own  mother. 

GORDON 

I  never  heard  such  rot.  They  must  be  mad, 
both  of  them. 

30 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


LAURA 

Then  you  were  listening,  too — 

GORDON 

Yes.  Why,  they're  deliberately  trying  to  set  us 
against  each  other. 

LAURA 

They  wouldn't  have  dared  speak  like  that  if  they 
had  known  we  could  hear.  Gordon,  I  don't 
think  it's  legal— 

GORDON 

I'm  afraid  the  law  doesn't  give  one  much  pro 
tection  against  one's  mothers. 

LAURA  (miserably) 

I  guess  she's  right.  I  am  spoiled,  and  I  am  silly, 
and  I  am  extravagant— 

GORDON 

Don't  be  silly,  darling.  That's  crazy  stuff.  I'm 
not  overworked,  and  even  if  I  were  I'd  love  it, 
for  you — 

LAURA 

I  don't  want  a  nurse  for  Junior.  I  wouldn't  have 
one  in  the  house.  (Sits  up,  dishevelled,  and^dis- 
plays  the  small  shirt  she  has  been  clutching?)  Gor 
don,  I'm  not  an  amateur!  I  love  that  baby  and 
I  am  scientific.  I  keep  a  chart  of  his  weight 
every  week.  i 

GORDON 

Yes,  I  know,  ducky,  Gordon  understands.  Soon 
we'll  be  able  to  buy  that  scales  you  want,  and 
we  won't  have  to  weigh  him  on  the  meat  balance. 

LAURA 

Nobody  can  take  away  my  darling  baby — 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


GORDON 

It  was  my  fault,  dear.    I  am  obstinate  and  dis 
agreeable — 

LAURA 

I'll  speak  to  Ethel  about  the  garbage — 
GORDON 

Ethel's  all  right.    We're  lucky  to  have  her. 
LAURA 

Gordon,  you  mustn't  work  too  hard.    You  know 

you're  all  I  have —  (A  sob.)  since  Mother's  gone 

back  on  me. 

GORDON  (patting  her) 

I  think  it's  frightful,  the  things  they  said.  What 
are  they  trying  to  do,  break  up  a  happy  home? 

LAURA 

We  are  happy,  aren't  we? 
GORDON 

Well,  I  should  say  so.    Did  you  ever  hear  me 

complain?    (Takes  her  in  his  arms.) 
LAURA 

No,  Gordie.    It  was  cruel  of  them  to  try  to  make 

trouble  between  us — but,  perhaps,  some  of  the 

things  they  said — 
GORDON 

Were  true? — 

LAURA 

Well,  not  exactly  true,  dear,  but — interesting! 
— your  mother  is  right,  you  do  have  a  hard  time, 
and  I'll  try- 
GORDON  (stops  her) 

No,  your  mother  is  right.    I've  been  a  brute — 

32 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


LAURA 

I'm  lucky  to  have  such  a  husband —  (They  are 
silent  a  moment?) 

GORDON 

I  suppose  you'll  think  it  an  awful  anticlimax — 
LAURA 
What,  dear? 

GORDON 

Suppose  we  have  something  to  eat? 

LAURA  (happily) 

Good  idea.  Quarreling  always  makes  me 
hungry.  (They  go  to  the  icebox.)  I  didn't  really 
get  any  supper  to  speak  of,  I  was  worrying  about 
everything  so — 

GORDON  (opening  icebox) 

You  mean  dinner,  honey — among  refined  people ! 

LAURA 

Don't  be  a  tease.  Come  on,  we'll  have  a  snack — 
(She  discovers  Gordon's  plate  of  left-overs.) 

GORDON 

Throw  out  that  junk — I  was  idiotic  to  save  it. 

LAURA 

No,  Gordie,  you  were  quite  right.     We  must 
save  everything  we  can.    Four  or  five  heads  of 
lettuce  would  make  a  new  shirt  for  Junior. 
GORDON  (bewildered) 
Lettuce? 

LAURA 

I  mean,  if  we  saved  that  much,  it  would  make 
enough  money  to  buy  him  a  new  little  vest. 
He's  getting  so  enormous —  (She  puts  plate  of 
left-overs  on  the  table,  with  some  other  cold  food.) 

33 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


GORDON 

There,  now,  this  is  better.  (They  sit  down  at 
table) 

LAURA  (thoughtfully) 

You  know,  Gordie,  we  mustn't  let  them  know 
we  heard  them. 

GORDON 

No,  I  suppose  not.  But  it's  hard  to  forgive  that 
sort  of  talk. 

LAURA 

Even  if  they  did  say  atrocious  things,  I  think 

they  really  love  us — 
GORDON 

We'll  be  a  bit  cold  and  stand-offish  until  things 

blow  over. 

LAURA  (complacently) 

If  I'm  ever  a  mother-in-law,  I  shall  try  to  be 
very  understanding — 

GORDON 

Yes,  Creature.  Do  you  remember  why  I  call 
you  Creature? 

LAURA 
Do  I  not? 

GORDON 

There  was  an  adjective  omitted,  you  remember. 
LAURA 

Oh,  Gordie,  that's  one  of  the  troubles  of  married 
life.  So  many  of  the  nice  adjectives  seem  to  get 
omitted. 

GORDON 

Motto  for  married  men:  Don't  run  short  of  ad- 
34 


THURSDAY  EVENING 


jectives! — You   remember  what   the   adjective 
was? 
LAURA 
Tell  me. 

GORDON 

Adorable.    It  was  an  abbreviation  for  Adorable 
Creature —    (Holds  her.    They  are  both  perfectly 
happy.)    I  love  our  little  Thursday  evenings. 
LAURA  (partly  breaks  from  his  embrace) 
Sssh!    (Listens.)    Was  that  the  baby? 

CURTAIN 

[5] 


Appleton  Dramatic  Anthologies 

TWENTY  CONTEMPORARY  ONE-ACT  PLAYS 
AMERICAN 

Edited  by  FRANK  SHAY 

THIS  volume  represents  a  careful  and  intelligent  selection  of 
the  best  One-act  Plays  written  by  Americans  and  produced 
by  the  Little  Theatres  in  America  during  recent  seasons.  They 
are  representative  of  the  best  work  of  writers  in  this  field  and 
show  the  high  level  to  which  the  art  theatre  has  risen  in  America. 

The  editor  has  brought  to  his  task  a  love  of  the  theatre  and 
a  knowledge  of  what  is  best  through  long  association  with  the 
leading  producing  groups. 

Amateur  producers  will  quickly  recognize  the  actability  of 
the  plays  he  has  chosen,  and  their  general  excellence  for  Little 
Theatre  use. 

Aside  from  its  individual  importance,  the  volume,  together 
with  Fifty  Contemporary  One-Act  Plays  and  Fifty  More  Con 
temporary  One-Act  Plays,  will  make  up  the  most  important 
collection  of  short  plays  published. 

In  the  Book  are 
the  following  Plays  by  the  following  Authors 

Mirage  .................................  George  M.  P.  Baird 

Napoleon's  Barber  ............................  Arthur  Caesar 

Goat  Alley  .......................  Ernest  Howard  Culbertson 

Sweet  and  Twenty  ...............................  Floyd  Dell 

Tickless  Time  .........  Susan  Glaspell  and  George  Cram  Cook 

The  Hero  of  Santa  Maria  .  .  .  Kenneth  Sawyer  Goodman  and 

Ben  Hecht 
All  Gummed  Up  ....................  Harry  Wagstaff  Gribble 

Thompson's  Luck  ..................  Harry  Greenwood  Grover 

Fata  Deorum  ...............................  Carl  W.  Guske 

Pearl  of  Dawn  .............................  Holland  Hudson 

Finders-Keepers  ...............................  George  Kelly 

Solomon's  Song  ...............................  Harry  Kemp 

Matinata  ................................  Lawrence  Langner 

The  Conflict  ......................  Clarice  Vallette  McCauley 

Two  Slatterns  and  a  King  ............  Edna  St.  Vincent  Millay 

Thursday  Evening  .......................  Christopher  Morley 

The  Dreamy  Kid  ............................  Eugene  O'Neill 

Forbidden  Fruit  ............................  George  J.  Smith 

Jezebel  ................................  Dorothy  Stockbridge 

Sir  David  Wears  a  Crown  .....................  Stuart  Walker 

i2mo.     Cloth,  $3.7$ 


Send  for  Complete  Dramatic  Catalogue 

D.  APPLETON  AND  COMPANY 

NEW  YORK  LONDON 


The  Appleton  Little  Theatre  Plays 

Edited  by  GRACE  ADAMS 
No.  Titles 

1.  The  Ghost  Story,  by  Booth  Tarkington 

2.  Sounding  Brass,  by  Edvcard  Hall  Bierstadt 

3.  A  Fan  and  Two  Candlesticks,  by  Mary  MacMillan 

4.  The  Trysting  Place,  by  Booth  Tarkington 

5.  Yniard,  by  John  Martin 

6.  The  Letters,  by  Frank  C.  Tompkins 
1.  Nevertheless,  by  Stuart  Walker 

8.  Pierrot's  Mother,  by  Clerm  Hughes 

9.  Aria  Da,  Capo,  by  Edna  St.  Vincent  Millay 

10.  The  Lamp  and  the  Bell,  by  Edna  St.  Vincent  Millay 
U.  Himbo  the  Pirate,  by  Booth  Tarkinglon 

The  Appleton  Short  Plays 

1.  Shakespeare  Smiles,  by  Lawton  Campbell 

2.  Dragon's  Glory,  by  Certrude  Knecels 

3.  Pan  or  Pierrot,  by  Mary  MacMillan 

4.  It's  Time  Something  Happened,  by  Arthur  Doyle 

5.  The  Blue  and  Green  Mat  of  Abdul  Hassan, 

by  Constance  C.  Wilcox 

6.  Bottled  in  Bond,  by  Clenn  Hughes 

7.  A  Child  of  the  Frontier,  by  EXma  E.  Levinger 

8.  Boots,  by  Ransom  Rideout 

9.  A  Knight  of  the  Piney  Woods,  by  Arthur  MacLtan 

10.  The  Heart  of  Frances,  by  Constance  C,  Wilcox 

11.  Exile,  by  Arthur  Doyle 

12.  Suburb  anism,  by  Ray  Parish 

13.  The  Managers,  by  Joseph  C.  Lincoln 

14.  The  Eldest,  by  Edna  Ferber 

15.  Riches,  by  Gilbert  Emery 

16.  Post'Mortems,  by  Charles  Divine 

17.  Pirtle  Drums  It  In,  by  Charles  Divine 

18.  The  Flying  Prince,  by  Peggy  and  Eugene  Wood 

19.  Station  Y  Y  Y  Y,  by  Booth  Tarkinglon 

20.  The  Travelers,  by  Booth  Tarkington 

21.  Plenty  of  Time,  by  Mary  MacMillan 

22.  Shame  the  Devil,  by  Kenyon  Nicholson  ana  Alit  Je  Sola 

23.  The  Prize  Winner,  by  Merrill  Denison 

24.  A  Good  Provider,  by  Elaine  Sterne  Carrington 

25.  None  Too  Good  for  Dodo,  by  Clenn  Hughe* 

Others  in  Preparation 

Bound  in  Art  Paper,  each  50  Cents 

D.  APPLETON  &  COMPANY,  NEW  YORK 


10V  18  1 
NOV  1 9  191 
DEC  3M' 


IAN_  7  1! 
IFEB 

EB 

!B  26  193^ 


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y- 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


THIS  BOOK  IS  DUE  ON  THE  LAST  DATE 
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WILL  BE  ASSESSED  FOR  FAILURE  TO  RETURN 
THIS  BOOK  ON  THE  DATE  DUE.  THE  PENALTY 
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DAY  AND  TO  $1.OO  ON  THE  SEVENTH  DAY 
OVERDUE. 


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JUL  16 1038 


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NOV  1  1939 
«B26f935  ^331948^ 


